Hi everyone. I would like to talk a little bit today about reactions. I don't mean those knee jerk reactions we get on a daily basis, like hitting anyone who pulls out a checkbook in the checkout line in the back of the head. I'm talking about those reactions that have shaped our lives since we were young. Have you ever thought about how much your past has shaped the present? If you had overbearing protective parents, maybe you find it harder to punish your kids than your spouse does. Or on the flipside, maybe you are trying to keep the control on your kids that was lacking in your own upbringing. Of course, not all of these life-shaping experiences have been bad. Perhaps you played catch with your dad every Friday afternoon and now you are upholding the tradition with your son. Good or bad however, there is no doubt that these experiences changed us in lasting and significant ways. We follow the good examples set by our parents and go out of our way to avoid the childhood pitfalls. If you are still a child, no doubt you've started to separate the good from the bad and thought more than once "I'm never going to do that to my kids." Nothing has shaped who we are today more than the decisions of our parents, good or bad.
At this point you are probably thinking, "Okay, so what?"
I want to consider what a life would look like that is completely reactionary to the examples set and words spoken by Jesus. At this point you might be thinking, "That's not fair. Jesus never had to raise my teenager!" True, Jesus was never a flesh and blood parent, but He knows all of us better than anyone else. Luke 22:44 says that Jesus sweat blood in the garden as he prayed one of His final prayers. John 17:20 tells us what he prayed about. The answer: future generations. He sweat blood while praying so earnestly for...you and me. For our children and our parents. Jesus knew all of us by name. It is for us that He taught and lived. To give us a light to follow. It is never too late to live a life that is completely reactionary to the life of Jesus. We can all start today. Jesus himself told us what to do to live a life in His shadow. And those pesky teenagers, alive now or in the future to come, can learn to follow Jesus by reacting to you.
By Aaron Blackwell
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Parents and MySpace: Monitor What Kids Do Online
In light of the recent suicide that was related to MySpace, I pulled up an interview I did last year. Just a reminder: If you are a parent, Parent!
Mind Matters: Monitor what kids do online
John Thurman Sunday, June 4, 2006
John Thurman Sunday, June 4, 2006
University of New Mexico: What is the primary risk to kids with unrestricted access to the World Wide Web?
John Thurman: There are a lot of places your kids don't need to go via the Web that are very adult-oriented. Your child's safety is key. Kids flat-out shouldn't have unrestricted access, as there are predators on the Internet. Many of these are sexual predators surfing Web sites and chat rooms, and given too much information, they literally can show up at your door.
There's also a potential risk of identity theft for your child and family, especially when kids decide to use mom and dad's credit cards.
As a parent, you need to know where your kids are going, what they're doing and who they're doing it with. Your kids might not like it, but they aren't paying the bills, are they? When it comes to safety versus privacy, safety always should win out.
There's also a potential risk of identity theft for your child and family, especially when kids decide to use mom and dad's credit cards.
As a parent, you need to know where your kids are going, what they're doing and who they're doing it with. Your kids might not like it, but they aren't paying the bills, are they? When it comes to safety versus privacy, safety always should win out.
UNM: How can parents restrict access?
Thurman: First, pull the computer from your child's room. It should be in a place where what they're doing is easily monitored.
Second, use the parental controls in the software provided with the computer and consider adding an additional layer of protective software. Your kids might claim to be able to get around some of these obstacles - make them do it and find out.
If your child is a minor, he or she has direct access to a free account in chat rooms like MySpace - the top use-oriented Web page for kids. Kids tend to post photos and do a lot of blogging on MySpace, so there's the potential to unknowingly - or deliberately - share information that shouldn't be shared: addresses, account numbers, etc. A lot of kids already have such accounts, because there's no cost for joining, and their parents have no idea.
Second, use the parental controls in the software provided with the computer and consider adding an additional layer of protective software. Your kids might claim to be able to get around some of these obstacles - make them do it and find out.
If your child is a minor, he or she has direct access to a free account in chat rooms like MySpace - the top use-oriented Web page for kids. Kids tend to post photos and do a lot of blogging on MySpace, so there's the potential to unknowingly - or deliberately - share information that shouldn't be shared: addresses, account numbers, etc. A lot of kids already have such accounts, because there's no cost for joining, and their parents have no idea.
UNM: How might parents monitor activity?
Thurman: Parents need to be parents. They need to monitor their kid's Internet use by both physically sitting in the room with a clock and by observing how the child is doing behaviorally. Be aware of your kids: Walk in on them unexpectedly when they're using the computer and see how they react. Too many parents think their kids won't go to adult Web sites - find out.
There are very useful programs that are "invisible" in most computers that track where your kids have gone via the Web. These programs show where your child logged-on and everywhere he or she went from there. This invisible software makes monitoring unknown to your child.
Technologically impaired parents can network and find folks who can help them see where their computer has been. Think about strategies of direct and indirect monitoring - walk-ins versus investigative software.
There are very useful programs that are "invisible" in most computers that track where your kids have gone via the Web. These programs show where your child logged-on and everywhere he or she went from there. This invisible software makes monitoring unknown to your child.
Technologically impaired parents can network and find folks who can help them see where their computer has been. Think about strategies of direct and indirect monitoring - walk-ins versus investigative software.
UNM: How much time should kids be spending on the Internet?
Thurman: Just like with TV, your kids can spend too much time on the computer. As a general rule, if the computer is taking away from family time, or you just sense it's too much, then speak to them about it. If they're on it too much, they'll express very loudly their opposition. If you think they've been on the Web too much, they probably have.
If they resist any computer limits you set, or sneak around them, then you need to create consequences, like loss of computer time or more restricted use with parents present with a timer. If your kids have a cell phone or car, these are great tools to use as consequences. But you have to impose a consequence immediately - take away the cell phone. Further, if your kids are going over to a friend's house, then you need to share information about computer restrictions with their friends. It might seem dorky or embarrassing, but who cares?
If they resist any computer limits you set, or sneak around them, then you need to create consequences, like loss of computer time or more restricted use with parents present with a timer. If your kids have a cell phone or car, these are great tools to use as consequences. But you have to impose a consequence immediately - take away the cell phone. Further, if your kids are going over to a friend's house, then you need to share information about computer restrictions with their friends. It might seem dorky or embarrassing, but who cares?
UNM: What about chat rooms? Are there some that appear to be safer than others?
Thurman: With a lot of youth-oriented chat rooms, there are predators who are not of age. And there are good chat rooms, too. You'll know what your child is doing if you periodically walk in on them unannounced. Your kids won't react negatively if they're on an appropriate site. As parents, you have to know what's going on; don't blindly trust your child. They haven't yet formulated good judgment and they know how to get around you. Parents have to step it up a notch and really be involved.
Thurman is a private practitioner in Albuquerque specializing in adolescent and parental counseling, as well as individual therapy. Mind Matters runs every other Monday. Have a question about mental health? Send it to lfrank@salud.unm.edu
This article was published in the Albuquerque Journal in July 2006
John Thurman is a Licensed Therapist, Marriage and Family Educator, Speaker and writer who lives in Albuquerque, NM. P.S. My next newsletter will be out within the next week to ten days.
JT
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
A New Spin on Halloween
It's that time of year again. Giant bags of candy. Pumpkins outside of every store you visit. "Trick-or-Treat"s all night long...yup! Halloween is upon us yet again.
I hope no one is disappointed, but I'm going to skip the talk about pagan rituals and Satan's birthday and all the other terms that float around Christian circles this time of year. It's not that these are things we, as Christians, shouldn't be concerned about, I just think we've heard it all before, and I do not feel fully equipped to give a history lesson on Paganism anyhow.
Instead, I want to talk about the Bible. Halloween makes me think about the Bible. More specifically, I think about Lazurus. The original Night of the Living Dead if you will. In thinking about Lazurus, I think about masks, and that takes me right back to Halloween. (I know, just stay with me for a few paragraphs.)
One of the biggest appeals of Halloween is getting to be, at least for one day, someone you're not. This year I have the distinct privilage of dressing up as Ron Stoppable. (Ask your kids.) Who do you get to be? Spiderman? Superman? A witch? An angel? Some sort of fruit? Whatever it is, it is fun right?
The reason I think about Lazurus though, is that I can't help but think about the other 364 days of the year. What masks do we have on then? The always cheery secretary? The manager who has no fear? The friend who always has time for other people's problems because he's got none of his own? If we can answer that question, that begs another. What are we trying to cover up?
The answer is sin. The sin in our life. Things we've done to others. Things we've done to ourselves. Things that others have done to us. It's all sin. And it stinks.
This is where I get to Lazurus. The story says that Jesus removed the stone from Lazurus' tomb. Do you know why they put stones in front of tombs? Certainly not to keep the dead from escaping. They did it because death stinks. Jesus was even warned about it. But He didn't care. He removed the stone and conquered the death and stench that it was covering up.
I think by now you know what I'm getting at. It's time to put the false identities aside, and let Jesus deal with the sin underneath. He's not afraid of the stench. He wants in. He's not afraid to get dirty and work things out. But you have to let Him have a crack at it.
This Halloween, I hope you get all the candy you can eat for a month, or that your kids get some of your favorites. Just consider this. When you are standing in front of the mirror and you pull off that mask, how many more are underneath it?
By Aaron Blackwell
I hope no one is disappointed, but I'm going to skip the talk about pagan rituals and Satan's birthday and all the other terms that float around Christian circles this time of year. It's not that these are things we, as Christians, shouldn't be concerned about, I just think we've heard it all before, and I do not feel fully equipped to give a history lesson on Paganism anyhow.
Instead, I want to talk about the Bible. Halloween makes me think about the Bible. More specifically, I think about Lazurus. The original Night of the Living Dead if you will. In thinking about Lazurus, I think about masks, and that takes me right back to Halloween. (I know, just stay with me for a few paragraphs.)
One of the biggest appeals of Halloween is getting to be, at least for one day, someone you're not. This year I have the distinct privilage of dressing up as Ron Stoppable. (Ask your kids.) Who do you get to be? Spiderman? Superman? A witch? An angel? Some sort of fruit? Whatever it is, it is fun right?
The reason I think about Lazurus though, is that I can't help but think about the other 364 days of the year. What masks do we have on then? The always cheery secretary? The manager who has no fear? The friend who always has time for other people's problems because he's got none of his own? If we can answer that question, that begs another. What are we trying to cover up?
The answer is sin. The sin in our life. Things we've done to others. Things we've done to ourselves. Things that others have done to us. It's all sin. And it stinks.
This is where I get to Lazurus. The story says that Jesus removed the stone from Lazurus' tomb. Do you know why they put stones in front of tombs? Certainly not to keep the dead from escaping. They did it because death stinks. Jesus was even warned about it. But He didn't care. He removed the stone and conquered the death and stench that it was covering up.
I think by now you know what I'm getting at. It's time to put the false identities aside, and let Jesus deal with the sin underneath. He's not afraid of the stench. He wants in. He's not afraid to get dirty and work things out. But you have to let Him have a crack at it.
This Halloween, I hope you get all the candy you can eat for a month, or that your kids get some of your favorites. Just consider this. When you are standing in front of the mirror and you pull off that mask, how many more are underneath it?
By Aaron Blackwell
Thursday, October 18, 2007
PRAYER CHANGES ME
Prayer can be an animated interaction with God over time. For example, the Book of Jonah begins and ends in conversation between Jonah and God and contains graphic animation in between. God asks Jonah to evangelize Nineveh. Jonah would rather see the people of Nineveh burn, and he basically says “no way!” Jonah flees from God and God’s request only to wind up in the belly of a large fish with some time to think it over. After three days and three nights, Jonah prayed (Jonah 2:6-9):
“While I was fainting away, I remembered the Lord;
And my prayer came to Thee, into Thy holy temple.
Those who regard vain idols forsake their faithfulness,
But I will sacrifice to Thee with the voice of thanksgiving.
That which I have vowed I will pay.
Salvation is from the Lord.”
Prayer changed Jonah, and God commanded the fish to spit Jonah up onto dry land. This time Jonah went to Nineveh at God’s request. He still had a bad attitude with respect to compassion, but at least he was obedient.
Prayer changed the hearts of David, Daniel, Nehemiah and other biblical characters. Prayer changes our hearts today. Prayer moves things from our thought realm into our hearts and emotions. We can learn compassion through what we experience as we surrender our wills to God’s wishes. Prayer is interactive and part of the life process that God uses to weave His character and strength into our lives and transform us into the likeness of our Lord Jesus Christ. Pray continually.
By Harvey Dove
“While I was fainting away, I remembered the Lord;
And my prayer came to Thee, into Thy holy temple.
Those who regard vain idols forsake their faithfulness,
But I will sacrifice to Thee with the voice of thanksgiving.
That which I have vowed I will pay.
Salvation is from the Lord.”
Prayer changed Jonah, and God commanded the fish to spit Jonah up onto dry land. This time Jonah went to Nineveh at God’s request. He still had a bad attitude with respect to compassion, but at least he was obedient.
Prayer changed the hearts of David, Daniel, Nehemiah and other biblical characters. Prayer changes our hearts today. Prayer moves things from our thought realm into our hearts and emotions. We can learn compassion through what we experience as we surrender our wills to God’s wishes. Prayer is interactive and part of the life process that God uses to weave His character and strength into our lives and transform us into the likeness of our Lord Jesus Christ. Pray continually.
By Harvey Dove
Monday, October 8, 2007
"BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"
Yesterday, in Cottonwood’s worship service, member Mike talked about fasting. He explained how it helps him to get closer to God. Fasting is an effective way to build and strengthen your relationship with Him. In fact, there are lots ways to develop this vital bond.
Living somewhat near the river, I go down there from time to time to walk, run, sit, and meditate. There is virtually no noise from people, no clamor from traffic, no disturbing telephones. An occasional cry of a chipmunk, a runner navigating a distant trail, or the splash of the river plotting its course around a piece of old driftwood merely delight the ears.
This environment is a splendid one in which to be with God. As I ponder His creation, I talk to Him and He seems to reply as I sense the reassuring comfort of his presence. The contentment is overwhelming, yet humbling.
We all need ways to bask in His power and love. What do you do to get closer to God?
By Larry Walsh
Living somewhat near the river, I go down there from time to time to walk, run, sit, and meditate. There is virtually no noise from people, no clamor from traffic, no disturbing telephones. An occasional cry of a chipmunk, a runner navigating a distant trail, or the splash of the river plotting its course around a piece of old driftwood merely delight the ears.
This environment is a splendid one in which to be with God. As I ponder His creation, I talk to Him and He seems to reply as I sense the reassuring comfort of his presence. The contentment is overwhelming, yet humbling.
We all need ways to bask in His power and love. What do you do to get closer to God?
By Larry Walsh
Sunday, September 30, 2007
THOUGHTS ABOUT HELL
Jesus describes it as the towns dump (Genenna). John in Revelation 20 describes it as “a lake of fire.” Is it really full of fire? Does it stink? What does a place without God look like? If God is light, life, our guide, love, kindness, patience, freedom - then is hell dark, dead, always lost, lonely, hard, where we are living as an impatiently frustrated slave to self?
If God is eternal (forever young), then life in hell must be somehow out of our time, (forever old). We are told it exists forever, but the punishment within seems to have different degrees. “It will be worse for you than for Sodom…” How can there be degrees of not-God? Is it degrees of darkness, of pain, of length of time before disolving into nonhumanness, of frustration, of stink?
The real question is, “Why?” Why doesn’t He find another way? What other ways are there? Annihilation maybe – but then God is no longer just, or a liar. Sin must be punished. Let Someone else take our hell for us? He did that. Tell the world to repent? He did that too. Give more time to give us more chance to escape? He is doing that now. There seem to be just two choices. We can say “God’s will be done,” or wait for God to say “Your will be done.”
CS Lewis (of the Chronicles of Narnia, Screwtape Letters fame) wrote, "a man can't be taken to hell, or sent to hell: you can only get there on your own steam... the damned are, in one sense, successful, rebels to the end... the doors to hell are locked on the inside.”
What do you think?
By Dan Cooley
If God is eternal (forever young), then life in hell must be somehow out of our time, (forever old). We are told it exists forever, but the punishment within seems to have different degrees. “It will be worse for you than for Sodom…” How can there be degrees of not-God? Is it degrees of darkness, of pain, of length of time before disolving into nonhumanness, of frustration, of stink?
The real question is, “Why?” Why doesn’t He find another way? What other ways are there? Annihilation maybe – but then God is no longer just, or a liar. Sin must be punished. Let Someone else take our hell for us? He did that. Tell the world to repent? He did that too. Give more time to give us more chance to escape? He is doing that now. There seem to be just two choices. We can say “God’s will be done,” or wait for God to say “Your will be done.”
CS Lewis (of the Chronicles of Narnia, Screwtape Letters fame) wrote, "a man can't be taken to hell, or sent to hell: you can only get there on your own steam... the damned are, in one sense, successful, rebels to the end... the doors to hell are locked on the inside.”
What do you think?
By Dan Cooley
Monday, September 17, 2007
THOUGHTS ABOUT HEAVEN
Do you ever find yourself thinking about what Heaven will be like? If you're like me then you defintely answered yes. When I was a kid, I had this image of Heaven that was something like Cloud City in Star Wars: a big gate sitting on top of a white fluffy cloud, golden streets and angels swooping around, harps playing in the distance, etc. As I got older I started to think of Heaven as a private fantasy island, where I would have a big house on a lake that I could jet-ski in all the time. (Oddly Jesus never seemed to be at the forefront of these dream scenarios, but they were still fun to think about.
Today for me, Jesus is really what Heaven is all about. Finally getting to meet Him. Even in that scenario though, plenty of questions still arise. Will we get to talk with him? Grill him about all the wonders of the universe and why this is like this and that is like that? Or will we simply spend eternity in a heavenly choir singing His praises along with the angels for time unending? A friend of mine recently asked if we would really see anyone else there, or if we would only have eyes for Jesus in all of His glory. This raises a really good question, who will be there? I don't know about you but I know plenty of Christians who, nice as they are, I'm not sure I want to be hanging out with for eternity. So will we see everyone there, or just the people we want to, if anyone?
Lastly, I want to jump back to my second scenario, is Heaven really one physical place where we will all be, or will my Heaven be different from yours? Will Dan get to cruise around in his red Ferrari while I'm off sky-diving or just cozying up with a good book? What do you think?
By Aaron Blackwell
Today for me, Jesus is really what Heaven is all about. Finally getting to meet Him. Even in that scenario though, plenty of questions still arise. Will we get to talk with him? Grill him about all the wonders of the universe and why this is like this and that is like that? Or will we simply spend eternity in a heavenly choir singing His praises along with the angels for time unending? A friend of mine recently asked if we would really see anyone else there, or if we would only have eyes for Jesus in all of His glory. This raises a really good question, who will be there? I don't know about you but I know plenty of Christians who, nice as they are, I'm not sure I want to be hanging out with for eternity. So will we see everyone there, or just the people we want to, if anyone?
Lastly, I want to jump back to my second scenario, is Heaven really one physical place where we will all be, or will my Heaven be different from yours? Will Dan get to cruise around in his red Ferrari while I'm off sky-diving or just cozying up with a good book? What do you think?
By Aaron Blackwell
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Welcome
Welcome to Cottonwood Church's blog. Here, some of our members will write about upcoming topics and readers will comment and ask questions. Come back to this site often for updates and discussions.
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